


In His Eyes

by ladyofthenorthernlights



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Ableist Language, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bellamy suffers from the foot-in-the-mouth disease, Blindness, First Time, Fluff and Smut, John Murphy is blind, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 04:01:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11889555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofthenorthernlights/pseuds/ladyofthenorthernlights
Summary: John Murphy is blind. And Bellamy Blake is hopelessly in love with him.Based on the beautiful movie "If I Had Wings", where Richard Harmon does the most incredible portrayal of a blind person I have ever seen. I highly recommend watching the movie, and then coming back to this fic, as several of the moments are inspired from scenes in the movie.





	In His Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> It took me surprisingly long to actually sit down and write this fic. I've had the idea for over a month, and I actually started writing it a few weeks ago, but only finished it now.
> 
> I have beta-ed it myself, so if you find any mistakes, please let me know and I'll correct them!
> 
> If you want more murphamy in your life, hit me up at tumblr, @bunker-boyfriends !

Sometimes, Bellamy Blake wished he didn’t suffer from the terrible foot-in-the-mouth disease. Actually, it was a bit more than sometimes. He would more than often say stupidly awful things, and only realise when it was too late. It wasn’t like he meant to say those things. The words just kind of slipped out of his mouth before he had time to think. In those moments, he wanted nothing more than to sink through the floor and never return. And he was especially bad when it came to John Murphy.

 

They had a few classes together, but had rarely ever spoken. In fact, they had only ever exchanged a few words, but Bellamy somehow managed to utter the word “blind” in his presence all the time. And it wasn’t on purpose. No, absolutely not. Bellamy just had a really bad disability where he’d say the wrong things at the wrong times. Of course, when he had tried to explain this to Murphy, he had used the word “disability”, and wished he truly could disappear through the floor.

 

John Murphy was blind. And it wasn’t like Bellamy had anything against blind people. No, not at all. But he was pretty sure Murphy hated him. They were both seniors, although Murphy had transferred to their school in the beginning of the semester, so Bellamy didn’t know him very well. He had tried talking to him once, but the entire conversation had been a disaster, and lasted less than a minute. Because not only was John Murphy blind. He was also extremely attractive.

 

His sister Octavia would tease him about it. Say how convenient it was, because Bellamy could stare at him from afar, and never worry about being discovered. Of course, that wasn’t entirely true. Because most of the time, John Murphy would hang out with Raven Reyes, one of the smartest girls in senior year, who had a leg with zero mobility. It was fitting, in a way, because while Raven walked alright with her leg-brace, she didn’t move very fast. But she had a pair of good eyes, and so the two of them would move slowly through the hallways, Raven’s arm looped together with Murphy’s, and Murphy would sweep his white cane in front of him with practised precision.

 

Sometimes, Bellamy would find himself staring at Murphy, without really thinking about it. And sometimes, his eyes would lock with Raven’s for a split second, and he would look away while she would lean close to Murphy and whisper in his ear. He knew what she was saying. “Bellamy Blake is staring at you again.” And Murphy would only nod, and their conversation would move on.

 

*

 

Bellamy was running late for class one afternoon, not really paying attention to where he was going. He was sprinting down the hallways, shoving people aside, determined to make it to that class. It wasn't like him to be late, and he was pretty sure he was going to make it. At least he was until he had a full frontal collision with someone.

 

“Hey, watch where you’re going,” Bellamy grunted, not having seen he’d run into. But when he did, he wished he’d never been born. John Murphy had nearly fallen over at the impact, and was now standing there looking a mixture of confused, annoyed and downright pissed.

 

“Sorry,” Bellamy murmured, taking a step back. “I didn’t see who it wa-, I mean, I didn’t know it was you.”

 

“Of course you didn’t,” Murphy said drily. “Because you have two working eyes. One would think you knew how to use them.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Bellamy said again, and he really was.

 

“Whatever,” Murphy scoffed. “Don’t you have class to attend to?”

 

“Yes,” Bellamy said, offering Murphy an apologetic smile, only to realise that no, there was no point in doing that either. Why did his brain crash completely around John Murphy? It wasn’t because he was blind, no. Okay, maybe it was that, but it was also kinda because Bellamy Blake had a huge crush on the guy.

 

“I’ll see you around,” he said, then bit his tongue because fuck, he did it again.

 

“I won’t,” Murphy replied, and this time Bellamy thought he heard a hint of laughter in his voice.

 

*

 

The next time they met, it was in the cafeteria. Murphy was sitting with Raven, as usual, and Bellamy was sitting with his sister, and her friends, Jasper and Monty. At least he had been sitting with them, until he'd gotten up to buy something to drink. As he passed Murphy’s table, Bellamy’s attention was once again caught by the blind boy, and he was momentarily distracted. He was actually so distracted that he didn’t pay attention to where he was going. Until he bumped into someone. That someone turned out to be Ontari, one of the biggest bitches in school. And Bellamy had managed to crash into her, effectively spilling all of her strawberry milkshake onto her black top.

 

“Watch where you’re going!” She snapped, her voice filled with rage. “You big lumbering idiot. Are you retarded, or are you blind like that worm over there?”

 

Bellamy tensed, and he saw Murphy do the same. Raven was on her feet in an instant, or at least as quickly as she could get up without her leg complaining too much, but before she could open her mouth, Bellamy had opened his.

 

“Hey, take that back,” he said, puffing up his chest. He was both taller and broader than Ontari, and right now he wasn’t particularly amused either. “You can’t say shit like that. Murphy can’t help that he is blind, and he most certainly isn’t a worm, so why don’t you take your shitty insults and shove them right up your ass.”

 

Ontari gave him a frustrated look before turning and stomping off. When Bellamy turned his gaze, he saw that Raven had sat down again. She was looking at him. Murphy looked confused.

 

“Did Bellamy Blake just make a really shitty attempt at defending my honour?” Murphy asked, and Raven bit her lip.

 

“Yes he did,” she said, eyes still on Bellamy, who had moved over to their table. Murphy paused.

 

“He’s standing right there looking at me, isn’t he?”

 

“Yes he is,” Raven grinned, and Bellamy could feel a blush creeping up on his cheeks.

 

Murphy’s eyes were averted and unfocused as always, which Bellamy found sad because they were the most beautiful shade of blue. He wondered if Murphy even knew what the colours looked like.

 

“Uhm, hi,” he said in an attempt to break his own train of thought. He gave a small wave, only to again realise that Murphy couldn’t see him, so he put his hand down. Raven stifled a giggle.

 

“Can I help you?” Murphy asked, and while he wasn’t looking at him, Bellamy knew he was addressing him.

 

“No, I mean yeah, I uhm… I just wanted to see if you were alright. Check. Check if you were alright.”

 

Fucking hell, how did he always manage to do that? It was almost amazing how he never failed do that in front of Murphy. He looked at Raven, who seemed to be doing her best to keep from falling out of her chair from laughing too hard. Murphy paid her no mind.

 

“You can use the word see in my presence without offending me,” Murphy said, raising an eyebrow. “You know that, right?”

 

“Right,” Bellamy said, rubbing his neck. “Sorry.”

 

“Stop apologising,” Murphy huffed. “You’re embarrassing yourself.”

 

Bellamy had to bite his tongue to keep from saying sorry again. He had absolutely no idea how to behave around Murphy, and it was so damn confusing. Not for the first time, he wanted nothing more than to sink through the floor and never return.

 

“I appreciate that whole knight in shining armour ordeal,” Murphy continued. “At least you tried.”

 

“Well she’s a bitch,” Bellamy said. “Couldn’t let her take a dig at you just because I wasn’t paying attention.”

 

A grin spread on Murphy’s face, and Bellamy couldn’t help but return it. He felt a sense of relief wash over him, but he knew he wasn’t out of the woods just yet. So he lingered by the table, and kept his eyes on Murphy, not willing to look at Raven and her smug grin.

 

“Hey, uhm, I could give you a ride home if you’d like,” Bellamy heard himself saying before he even realised he’d opened his mouth.

 

“Raven usually drives me home,” Murphy replied. “But thanks.”

 

“Actually,” Raven said, looking from Murphy to Bellamy. “I need to pick up some parts for my car after school. No ride today buddy.”

 

“Oh,” Murphy said, giving a small nod. “Alright. I’ll meet you in the parking lot then, Blake. Two thirty sharp.”

 

Bellamy nodded. “Yeah, alright. I’ll see you then.”

 

“I won’t,” Murphy replied, and this time there was a grin on his face.

 

 

After the last class of the day, Bellamy found himself walking alone out to the parking lot. Octavia was hanging out with Jasper and Monty, apparently having decided to give Bellamy some alone time with Murphy. Which would probably turn into a disaster. He'd almost regretted offering to give him a ride several times since lunch, and tried coming up with various excuses why he couldn’t. But in the end he only felt bad, because Murphy was blind, and it was cruel to make him walk home. He wondered if Murphy could even do that without getting lost.

 

He spotted Murphy waiting by the parking lot, his cane out, and a pair of sunglasses resting on his nose. Bellamy noted that it made him look more like a stereotypical blind person, because if you just saw Murphy sitting in a classroom, you would never guess that his eyes weren’t working. He just looked like any other cute guy.

 

“Hey,” he called out, this time managing not to wave.

 

“There you are,” Murphy huffed. His hand went to his wrist, and for the first time Bellamy noticed the watch he was wearing. It had a lid of sorts that Murphy now popped open, and instead of two arms and numbers, there were only bumps. He watched in amazement as Murphy felt these bumps with his fingers, a frown forming on his face.

 

“You’re late,” he said. “I said two thirty sharp. It’s two thirty-two.”

 

“I’m so-“

 

“Don’t say you’re sorry,” Murphy said, this time with a hint of amusement in his voice. “I was joking. Now let’s get this over with. Take me to your car, Blake.”

 

Bellamy hesitated a bit, wondering if it would be okay to grab Murphy’s arm to guide him. He shifted closer, clearly nervous, and surprisingly, Murphy seemed to sense this.

 

“You’re allowed to touch me,” he said dryly. “I won’t break.”

 

“I didn’t think you would either,” Bellamy smiled, sliding his arm around Murphy’s, leaning slightly against him.

 

It should have been strange. Usually, you didn't walk like this with someone unless you were really close, or dating. But with Murphy, it was simply a way of guiding him. And so they walked through the parking lot, Murphy’s cane searching the ground before his feet for any sort of obstacles. They made it to the car, Bellamy guiding Murphy to the passenger seat and opening the door for him. He waited patiently as Murphy folded up his cane and slid into the seat of the car, using his hands to guide him. Once he was inside, Bellamy closed the door and moved over to the driver’s seat. Murphy gave him his address, and they were off. The first few minutes were silent, as Bellamy’s eyes were on the road, and Murphy didn’t seem to be in a very chatty mood.

 

“So,” Bellamy said after a while, in an attempt to break the silence. “What do you like to do in your spare time?”

 

“Oh, I like to sit in a dark room and listen to music,” Murphy said, and Bellamy had no idea if he was joking or not. He tried glancing over to him to get a read of his facial expression, but Murphy’s eyes were fixed at nothing, and there wasn’t the slightest hint of emotion on his face. Great.

 

“What kind of music?” Bellamy tried, and Murphy burst out laughing.

 

“You know, you’re the first person who has asked about the music, and not the fact that the room is dark,” Murphy said. “Cause, you know, it makes no difference to me if it is light or dark. I’m blind.”

 

“I’ve noticed,” Bellamy said, and it somehow felt like the tension lifted, if only a little bit. Maybe this wouldn’t be the complete disaster Bellamy had anticipated.

 

 

Bellamy pulled up outside of Murphy’s house a couple of minutes later. They had managed to keep up the chatting, and Bellamy had miraculously avoided saying anything awful. That was a first.

 

“So this is where you live,” he said, glancing at Murphy, who nodded in response.

 

“Yeah, it is,” he said. “I should probably get inside. I have a lot of television to watch.”

 

It took Bellamy a moment to realise that it was a joke. It was only when Murphy laughed when it struck him, and then they were both laughing. At least Murphy were able to joke about it. Bellamy felt a tiny bit better for all of his mindless comments.

 

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Bellamy said, the smile audible in his voice. Murphy seemed to catch it, because he turned his head towards Bellamy, returning the smile. “You know, if Raven’s car still isn’t working tomorrow, I could give you another ride?”

 

“You’re too kind,” Murphy said and Bellamy knew that if he could have rolled his eyes, he would have. “So, you gonna help me out, or?”

 

“Oh, right, sorry,” Bellamy said, unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the door on his side. Murphy laughed.

 

“I was joking,” he grinned. “But if you insist, then go ahead. I’d prefer not being run over by a car the moment I step outside. I have trouble to see them coming.”

 

*

 

Apparently it took a while for Raven to fix her car, or at least so she said. Bellamy had his doubts, and he had a feeling she was lying to give him an excuse to be around Murphy. Not that he was going to complain about it of course. Giving Murphy a ride home was nice, and every day, things got less and less awkward. They both opened up more, and talked about their families and their lives. Murphy was an only child, with two living parents who loved him more than anything, and did everything in their power to make sure their son was happy. Bellamy had never known his father, but he had known Octavia’s, at least for the short time he stuck around. He’d left them before his sister was born, and Bellamy had helped raise her.

 

They didn’t talk much about Murphy’s condition, and Bellamy had a feeling that Murphy appreciated it. It must be boring to have the same old conversations, or feel like people were treating him differently just because he was blind. Eventually though, on the fifth day in a row he was giving Murphy a ride, he had to ask the question that had been ticking at the back of his mind for a very long time.

 

“How did you go blind? I mean, were you born like that, or did it happen?”

 

There was a pause, and for a moment Bellamy feared he had overstepped. It was probably a question Murphy had gotten countless times, and was sick and tired of answering, and Bellamy was about to apologise for asking when he got his answer.

 

“I got really sick when I was about two years old,” he said. “Got some kind of infection that affected my optic nerve. And then I was blind. I don’t really remember seeing, at all. I don’t think I could actually describe what something looks like now. But I dream, which is nice.”

 

“And what do you dream about?” Bellamy asked, genuinely curious.

 

“People,” Murphy said. “Things that have happened. I get nightmares every now and then, just like everyone else. Nothing special, really.”

 

 

When they pulled up outside of Murphy’s house, his father was in the driveway, washing their car. He looked up when he heard the car approach, and Bellamy instantly knew that they were related. The resemblance was unmistakable, from the high cheekbones and sharp features, to those intense, blue eyes. The man tossed the sponge he had been holding into a bucket of water, and waved at them. Bellamy waved back.

 

“So you’re the young man who’s been driving my son around,” Murphy’s father said as Bellamy stepped out of the car.

 

“Yes sir,” Bellamy said, glancing over to Murphy, who was unfolding his cane, still in his seat. The man walked over to him, giving Bellamy a nice, firm handshake.

 

“Alex Murphy,” he said with a smile, and Bellamy returned it just as genuinely.

 

“Bellamy Blake.”

 

“Oh, so _you’re_ the famous Bellamy Blake,” Alex said, and Bellamy heard Murphy groan from the car. “We’ve heard so much about you.”

 

“Only good things, I hope,” Bellamy laughed, turning to go help Murphy out.

 

Murphy had been telling his parents about him. For how long? And what kinds of things? It could be nothing. Murphy could have mentioned that he was giving him rides, which he was, but from the implication, Bellamy had a feeling there was more. That he had been the topic around the dinner table at least once, if not more.

 

“Hey why don’t you come in for a drink,” Alex said as Bellamy helped his son out of the car, Murphy feeling the ground with his cane before taking each step. “A cup of coffee or perhaps some lemonade? My wife Jessica makes it herself and its pretty good.”

 

Bellamy glanced at Murphy, a tad unsure. Their arms were linked together again, something he had actually managed getting used to, and they were making their way over to Murphy’s father.

 

“Yeah, I mean, if I’m not imposing,” Bellamy said, more to Murphy than to Alex.

 

“Nonsense,” Alex smiled. “Come on in.”

 

 

Fifteen minutes later, Bellamy found himself sitting on the edge of Murphy’s bed, a glass of lemonade in his hands. Murphy was seated on a chair, looking a bit tense. Bellamy couldn’t really blame him. He had only come inside because Murphy’s dad had asked him. Murphy probably didn’t want to spend more time with him than necessary.

 

“So,” Bellamy said, glancing around the room. “You, uhm… Wanna watch a movie or something?”

 

“I’m blind,” Murphy deadpanned. “It means I can’t see.”

 

Bellamy wanted to groan loudly, because how on earth did he manage to do this all the freaking time? It was really getting out of hand, and whenever he didn’t remind himself of Murphy’s condition, he said shit like that.

 

“I’m so-“

 

“Don’t apologise,” Murphy huffed. “I get it. You have no idea how to act around me because you’re not used to blind people. Don’t make a big deal out of it. I’ve been like this for as long as I remember, you’re not the first one.”

 

Bellamy opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again when he realised he had no clue what to say. Murphy hated him, that much was clear, and he should probably just get up and leave before things got even more awkward.

 

“Just… Don’t apologise,” Murphy sighed. “It’s not your fault. I’m just so tired of not… Of not being treated like everyone else. People always treat me like I’m a child. Like the little blind kid needs to be constantly looked after. It’s exhausting."

 

There was a pause, and Bellamy remained seated on the edge of the bed. He wanted to say something, but his mind was blank, and he didn't want to risk antagonising Murphy any further. So he kept his mouth shut and watched Murphy's face relax. It must be lonely in a way, being blind. Being left out and unable to share in so many of the pleasures of life, that required you to see. Such as movies, football games and stunning scenery. He tried imagining living in a world of darkness, but he couldn't, no matter how hard he tried.

 

"My dad invited you inside because the only friend I have is Raven," Murphy continued after a while, and Bellamy gave him a surprised look. "She usually just drops me off here though, and he pronably thinks I don’t have any friends. So of course, when this really hot guy starts driving me home, he gets curious.”

 

“Did you just call me hot?” Bellamy asked, a grin forming on his face. “I thought you were blind.”

 

“Even blind guys know that Bellamy Blake is hot,” Murphy countered. “It’s what people say at least. That you’re tall and muscular and all that.”

 

Bellamy let out a bark of laughter, because the whole situation just seemed too ridiculous. John Murphy, the blind kid he’d had a crush on for months, thought he was hot. Because other people had said he was.

 

“And you believe them?” Bellamy asked. “I mean, people say all kinds of weird shit. I might be a tiny, scrawny guy with the ugliest mug you can imagine.”

 

Murphy grinned at that, and Bellamy could feel his heart-rate spike. They were sitting in each their end of the room, but the tension that was forming was thick enough to touch, and Bellamy had no idea how it had gone from awkward to this.

 

“I doubt that,” Murphy laughed. “You take my arm every day when we go to your car, and when you help me out of it. You’re pretty muscular.”

 

“Thank you, I work out,” Bellamy grinned in reply, and this time it was Murphy who let out a bark of laughter.

 

“So you can make jokes,” he snickered. “Good to know. And here I thought you were one of those stupid studs who didn’t think before he spoke.”

 

Bellamy bit his tongue, because Murphy was right about the last bit. He didn't think before he spoke. Or he was thinking too much, and that’s why he kept saying idiotic stuff. He hadn’t actually figured that out yet.

 

“Well I’m not a stud,” Bellamy said. “But, uhm… People do say I’m handsome though. I’m not vein or anything, but just… That’s what people say. So I guess you just have to take their word for it.”

 

Murphy nodded, and for a moment, Bellamy thought that things were going to get awkward again. But then Murphy rose to his feet, facing fully towards Bellamy.

 

“Hey, uhm… This might sound weird, but… Can I touch your face?”

 

“You wanna touch my face?” Bellamy asked surprised. “Why?”

 

“I wanna know what you look like,” Murphy said. “You don’t have to if you think it’s weird, but-“

 

“No, no, it’s fine,” Bellamy said, rising to his feet.

 

He stepped over to Murphy, and stopped right before him. His heart was racing in his chest, and he was pretty sure Murphy could hear it. But if he did, the blind boy made no comment of it. Instead he reached up and let his fingertips trace down Bellamy’s skin. He started at his brow, and when he noticed the curls, Murphy grinned and ran his fingers through them. It should have been strange, really, but as Bellamy stood there, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

 

“What colour is it?” Murphy asked, fingers threading through the messy locks of hair.

 

“Dark,” Bellamy replied, his voice low and calm, just loud enough for Murphy to hear. “Dark brown. Almost black.”

 

Murphy nodded, and let his fingertips trace down Bellamy’s forehead to his brow. Bellamy watched him, wanting to see every reaction as Murphy painted a mental image of what he looked like. His fingers moved to his cheeks and nose, and Bellamy closed his eyes, letting Murphy ghost his fingertips over his lids as well.

 

“My skin is tan,” he continued, wanting Murphy to know more. “I have freckles. And my eyes are a dark brown.”

 

Again Murphy nodded, and his fingers moved from Bellamy’s cheeks to his lips. He held his breath then, heart hammering impossibly fast in his chest, as Murphy ran his fingers over his lips, before finally moving them to feel his chin and jaw.

 

“They were right,” Murphy said as he lowered his hands, but he didn’t step back. “You are handsome.”

 

He grinned, and for a moment, Bellamy was tempted to lean in and kiss him. But he had no idea how Murphy would react. He’d said Bellamy was handsome, but for all he knew, Murphy was into girls. So he stepped back and sat down on the bed again. Murphy followed his example and found his way back to the chair.

 

“Well, at least now you know,” Bellamy laughed, reclaiming control of the situation. “You can spread the rumour further. Just… Don’t tell anyone I let you touch my face.”

 

“Don’t worry Blake,” Murphy grinned. “Your secret is safe with me.”

 

*

 

About a week later, Bellamy found himself sitting on Murphy’s lawn, reading one of his favourite mythology books out loud, while Murphy was listening with great interest. They had been hanging out almost every day since Alex Murphy had invited Bellamy inside. Bellamy would drive him home, and then they would just sit and talk in the car, or he would come inside and they would make something to eat, or drink, and then talk some more.

 

Bellamy had gotten to know both of Murphy’s parents too, and it was clear that they loved their son more than anything else on earth. It reminded him of the love he felt for his sister, and so Bellamy felt even more relaxed and at home in the Murphy household. He had also started calling him John, or at least when he was at Murphy’s house, because that’s what his parents called him. Murphy didn’t seem to mind, and so Bellamy kept calling him it.

 

Octavia had been teasing him non-stop about the fact that he spent so much time with Murphy, but Bellamy found he didn’t mind. He liked spending time with Murphy, and not only because he was attracted to him. They had great conversations about everything and nothing, and when Bellamy had mentioned that he loved Greek mythology, Murphy had joked he had to read him some. So today, he had brought one of his favourite books, _The Iliad_ , and they were both completely caught up by the story.

 

They had gone through maybe four chapters when Bellamy had to take a break, and put the book down. Murphy was watching him, or at least focusing all his other senses on him. His face was turned towards Bellamy, and his eyes were on him, though they were unfocused as usual. But Bellamy knew that Murphy could see him, at least in his mind’s eye. That was one of the fascinating things about Murphy. Because while his eyes didn’t work, the rest of his senses were sharp, and he just seemed to be able to sense people’s movements.

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Of course,” Bellamy smiled. “Go ahead.”

 

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Murphy asked, and Bellamy had to blink at him a few times, completely taken aback by the question.

 

“Girlfriend?” Bellamy repeated, raising an eyebrow. “No. I don’t.”

 

He was about to question why Murphy was asking, but then it dawned on him that he had no other way of knowing. Most people would see a couple holding hands, or making out at a party, but Murphy missed those things. So he had to ask.

 

“Oh,” Murphy said, nodding. He seemed to hesitate a bit, his head bowing for a moment, before his attention was back on Bellamy. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

 

There was something in the way Murphy said it that made Bellamy’s heart leap in his chest. A tiny hit of something in his voice that made Bellamy’s stomach do somersaults. Like there was something cryptic behind the question. For a moment, Bellamy just stared at him, trying to figure out if it was just a question, or if it held any implications.

 

“No,” he smiled, licking his lips. “No boyfriend either. You?”

 

Murphy shook his head, and then that tension was back. Bellamy could feel it in his chest, a mixture of nervousness and excitement. He shifted a bit closer to Murphy, placing the book on the grass.

 

“Can I ask you a question?” he asked, his voice low, and he could see Murphy tense just a little before he nodded.

 

Bellamy took a deep breath as he moved, sitting so close to Murphy that their legs were brushing together. His heart was pounding in his chest, a steady _thump, thump,_ _thump_ that Murphy surely must have heard.

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

His voice was deep, and his eyes were searching Murphy’s face for a negative reaction. A flinch, a grimace, a look of disgust. But there was nothing. Only a nod, followed by a shaky breath. Bellamy smiled.

 

Reaching up, he took Murphy’s face in his hands, thumbs brushing over the high cheekbones. Murphy’s lips were slightly parted in anticipation, and after a moment of hesitation, Bellamy leaned in to meet them. The kiss was sweet and slow, and Bellamy let his eyes close as a million butterflies fluttered through his stomach. He felt Murphy leaning into the kiss, a bit hesitant at first, but then more securely. Almost as if he’d expected it all to be some sort of joke. Bellamy pulled back after a few moments, his hands dropping to his own lap. He was smiling like an idiot.

 

“Stop grinning, Blake,” Murphy said with a huff of laughter. “It’s not like you stole my first kiss or anything.”

 

“No?” Bellamy asked, still smiling from ear to ear. “Who was your first kiss then?”

 

“A girl named Emori,” Murphy replied. “We were 13. It was a charity kiss.”

 

Bellamy nodded, leaning in to brush his lips firmly against Murphy’s again, his fingers threading through the long, brown hair.

 

“I assure you,” he murmured as he pulled back, resting their foreheads together. “This has nothing to do with charity. I like you, John. I’ve liked you for a while now. It has nothing to do with the fact that you’re blind.”

 

Murphy nodded, though he still seemed a bit hesitant.

 

“Then why?” he asked, and again, Bellamy had to laugh. Softly this time.

 

“Because you’re drop-dead gorgeous,” he replied. “And you’ve got this attitude, like you don’t give a shit what everyone else thinks, that is really hot. Every time you smile, my heart skips a beat. And when I hear you laugh, I-“

 

“Alright Romeo, I get it,” Murphy laughed. “Just shut up and kiss me.”

 

*

 

It was a Saturday night, about two and a half weeks since their first kiss that Bellamy learned Murphy was a virgin. They were at his place, his parents having gone for the weekend to visit Murphy’s grandparents. It had taken a lot of convincing that he was completely capable of taking care of himself, and that Bellamy would be with him all the time, and finally his parents had agreed to let him stay. They weren’t officially dating, but enough people had seen them kiss in the parking lot that have rumours spread throughout the whole school. Some people thought it was a charity case, while others wondered if Bellamy had lost his mind. There were even rumours that Murphy’s parents had paid Bellamy to be his boyfriend.

 

Bellamy didn’t pay the whispers any mind, and luckily, neither did Murphy. The two of them were content in their own little bubble, and agreed that people could think whatever they wanted. As long as no one harassed them about it. Which, of course, someone had. That bitch Ontari had called them faggots more than once, at least until Octavia had stepped up and punched her in the face. That had shut her up, and Bellamy was just glad he didn’t have to do it himself, even if it landed Octavia in a week of detention. She had only shrugged and told Bellamy it was completely worth it, and Bellamy had given her a grateful smile, though he had also told her not to hit people.

 

Things were going really well with Murphy, and Bellamy had no problem taking things slow. Because Murphy had to get used to having him around, and to be touched, even if it was just a hug or a light hand on his shoulder. And Bellamy had to learn to announce himself with his voice before reaching out to touch him, so not to startle him.

 

They had no problem touching each other now.

 

Bellamy had found that he didn’t mind Murphy’s way of exploring his body one bit, especially not when it involved a heavy make-out session on his bed. Murphy’s hands were under his shirt, clever fingers mapping out his muscular chest, committing every inch of Bellamy to memory. After a while, Bellamy pulled away from the kiss and sat up, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it onto the floor. Gently, he grabbed one of Murphy’s hands and guided it to his now naked stomach, letting him feel the warm skin stretched over firm muscles.

 

“Bellamy…”

 

Bellamy looked down, and he let go of Murphy’s hand when he saw the expression on his face. He looked nervous. Insecure. And Bellamy knew, before he even said anything.

 

“It’s alright,” he said softly, leaning down again to brush a soft, gentle kiss to Murphy’s cheek. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want.”

 

“I want to,” Murphy said quickly. “I just… I’ve never…”

 

“It’s alright,” Bellamy said again, running his fingers through Murphy’s hair, the way he knew he liked. “I’ll guide you. And if you want me to stop, I’ll stop.”

 

Murphy nodded, and let out a shuddering breath. The blind boy licked his lips, and then pulled Bellamy down into a soft but determined kiss.

 

“You can touch me,” Murphy murmured when he pulled back. “I want you to touch me.”

 

Bellamy nodded, and he leaned down to kiss him again. He should have suspected it sooner, but somehow it hadn’t even crossed his mind that Murphy might be a virgin. After all the talk of charity kisses and how Murphy wasn’t used to being touched, it only made sense. Not that it mattered. Bellamy would have wanted him anyway, virgin or not. But now he felt a bit more responsible, wanting Murphy's first time to be perfect.

 

He moved his hand down between Murphy’s legs, breaking the kiss as he slid his palm over his crotch, touching him through the fabric of his jeans. Murphy gasped softly, hips jerking up to meet Bellamy’s hand, and even through the layers, he could feel that Murphy was hard.

 

“Is this okay?” Bellamy asked softly, his hand slowly rubbing over Murphy’s crotch.

 

“Yeah,” Murphy breathed, eyes slipping shut. “More. Please, Bell… I need more…”

 

Bellamy nodded, using his other hand to start unbuttoning Murphy’s jeans. He pushed them down, and Murphy raised his hips, helping Bellamy get rid of the item of clothing. They got him out of his shirt as well, and Bellamy shed his own jeans, leaving them both just in their boxers.

 

“Do you trust me?” Bellamy asked, and Murphy nodded in response.

 

“I trust you.”

 

“Alright,” Bellamy murmured, licking his lips. He looked at Murphy for a moment, and then started shifting down his body. He let his fingers trace down Murphy’s sides, letting him know where he was. Once he reached the hem of his boxers, Bellamy tugged them down. Murphy raised his hips again, and soon his boxers were on the floor with the rest of his clothes.

 

“John,” Bellamy murmured, eyes dragging over Murphy’s naked body before him, a mixture of lust and fondness in his eyes. “You’re so damn gorgeous.”

 

He traced his fingers over Murphy’s pale, sharp hip-bones, and then leaned down to press a soft kiss to the boy’s inner thigh.

 

“Bellamy, what are you-“ he started to say, but his words were drowned out by a sharp gasp as Bellamy wrapped his lips around the head of his cock, and took him halfway down with ease. “Oh god… Fuck, Bell…”

 

Bellamy only hummed in response, hollowing his cheeks as he started bobbing his head up and down, tongue swirling around the shaft of Murphy’s cock. He could hear Murphy moaning, sharp intakes of breath mixed with curses, praises and Bellamy’s name. He sounded so damn beautiful, and Bellamy was encouraged to take him deeper with each bob of his head, until he had him all the way down his throat. Glancing up, he could see Murphy’s mouth hanging open, eyes staring emptily up at the roof, a look of bliss written across his face. Those beautiful sounds were still pouring from his lips, and so Bellamy kept going, pulling almost all the way off before taking him all the way back down.

 

“Bell,” Murphy gasped, his fingers curling in the sheets of his bed. “Fuck, Bell, I’m gonna-“

 

That was all he had time to say before his hips jerked upwards, and he was spilling himself down Bellamy’s throat, a loud gasp leaving his lips. Bellamy hummed pleased and swallowed around him, continuing to suck him off until he knew Murphy was done.

 

He pulled off with a grin, and moved back up to press a sloppy kiss to Murphy’s lips, letting him taste himself. Murphy’s hands quickly tangled themselves in Bellamy’s hair, and his tongue was inside Bellamy’s mouth, exploring the new flavour. Bellamy pulled back after a few moments, grinning down at him.

 

“Did you like it?” he hummed.

 

Murphy groaned in response. “I can’t believe I just got a blowjob from Bellamy fucking Blake.”

 

“Well, you just did,” Bellamy hummed, leaning down to kiss him again, keeping it sweet and brief before rolling onto his back, lying next to Murphy. “And there’s a lot more where that came from.”

 

“It better be,” Murphy laughed, shifting a bit so he was facing Bellamy. “What about you? Can I..?”

 

“You can touch me,” Bellamy agreed, turning his head to look at Murphy’s face. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Murphy nodded, and he moved one hand to rest on Bellamy’s chest, before slowly bringing it down. Bellamy closed his eyes, letting Murphy take his time exploring. He tried imagining what it must be like to have sex when you had never actually seen your partner. When you'd only heard his voice, breathed in his scent and touched his skin. When you had only tasted his lips, but never laid eyes on his face. It seemed strange, but that was exactly what Murphy was going through right now. Plus, he had never done this before. He had probably only dreamt about it, tried to imagine what it must be like. Touched himself, and pretended it was someone else’s hand.

 

When Murphy reached the hem of his boxers, he hesitated. But Bellamy reached out to run his fingers through his hair and murmured that it was okay. That he was there, and that Murphy could take his time. He told him it didn’t matter to him that Murphy had no experience. And after a while, Murphy continued, slipping his hand under the fabric of Bellamy’s boxers and wrapping his fingers around his cock. Bellamy watched Murphy bite his lip, and helped him get rid of the item of clothing, tossing the boxers onto the floor next to the rest of their clothes. Slowly, Murphy’s fingers stroked up and down Bellamy’s hardened cock, taking it in with his fingers, like he had with his face a few weeks ago.

 

“You’re huge,” he murmured after a while, and Bellamy just laughed softly.

 

“We don’t have to go all the way tonight,” he murmured, but Murphy shook his head.

 

“No, I… I want you. I want to feel you inside me. Bell, I’m sure about this. Take me. Make me yours.”

 

Bellamy nodded, sitting up a little. A part of him had hoped Murphy would want to go all the way, but he would also have understood if he didn’t want to. It was a huge step to take after all, but if he was certain, then Bellamy would do everything he could to make his first time amazing.

 

“I’ve got some lube and condoms in my bag,” he admitted, causing Murphy to grin widely. “What? I like to be prepared. You never know when the gorgeous blind boy is gonna spread his legs for you.”

 

“Shut up Blake,” Murphy laughed. “Just go get it, and get your sweet ass back here. Before I change my mind.”

 

Bellamy grinned, and even though Murphy couldn’t see it, he winked at him. Just because it felt right to do so. He got up from the bed and walked over to his bag, rummaging through it to find the small plastic bag containing a travel-sized bottle of lube and a bunch of condoms. It wasn’t that he’d been planning on having sex, but he’d figured it was better to be safe than sorry, and he didn’t imagine Murphy had anything lying around.

 

When he returned to the bed, he leaned down to press a deep kiss to Murphy’s lips, letting their cocks rub together. And even if Murphy just had come, it didn’t take long for him to become half-hard again. Sometimes horny teenager genes were a blessing.

 

Breaking the kiss, Bellamy uncapped the bottle of lube and started spreading some of it on his fingers. There was no way he’d be able to get in without prepping him, especially since Murphy was a virgin.

 

“I’m gonna need to open you up,” he murmured, knowing it was necessary to explain to Murphy what he was about to do. “I’m starting with just one finger, so I’m going to need you to spread your legs and relax. Can you do that for me?”

 

Murphy nodded and did as he was told, spreading his legs and letting out a deep sigh. He was probably nervous, but as long as he didn’t tense up, they would be fine. Bellamy placed one hand on Murphy’s thigh, letting him know he was in the area, and then guided the other one to his entrance.

 

“Take a deep breath,” he murmured, and waited for Murphy to do so before pushing the first finger inside.

 

He was tight, a lot tighter than Bellamy expected, and he could hear Murphy’s sharp intake of breath as he pushed the first digit inside of him.

 

“Are you alright?” he asked, holding his hand still, and when Murphy nodded in response, Bellamy pushed the finger all the way inside. Slowly, he started moving it, pumping and bending it to spread the lube and open Murphy up. He’d need to be able to take at least three fingers before Bellamy could even attempt to enter him.

 

“How does it feel?”

 

“Strange,” Murphy confessed, his eyes still closed. “But not unpleasant. Doesn’t hurt.”

 

“Tell me if it does and I’ll stop,” Bellamy promised, pushing in the second finger.

 

He met a bit more resistance this time, but Murphy only gasped, and not from pain. And after a few thrusts and some bending, Murphy was ready to take the third finger. Despite being this tight, he stretched around Bellamy’s fingers with ease, and after only a few minutes of prepping, Bellamy deemed him ready.

 

Murphy let out a small whine as he pulled the fingers out, and Bellamy grinned widely in response. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll be taking care of you soon enough.”

 

He picked up the condom he'd brought with him and opened it, rolling it onto his cock and letting the wrapping drop to the floor. Then he poured some more lube into his hand, and started prepping himself, slicking up his member properly, and leaning down to kiss Murphy full on the lips. His hand kept working on his cock while he kissed him, and once he was ready, he guided his cock to Murphy’s entrance. He held it there for a moment, the head of his cock pressed against the ring of muscle, waiting for approval, and when Murphy spread his legs a bit further, he pushed inside.

 

Murphy broke the kiss, a mixture of a sharp gasp and heavy moan leaving his lips as Bellamy pushed inside of him. His arms wrapped tightly around Bellamy’s shoulders, clinging to him as he filled him up. He was tight, so wonderfully tight, and Bellamy echoed the moan as he pushed inside, relieved at how easily Murphy took him once he was inside.

 

For a moment, they just lay there, both getting used to the new sensation. Then Murphy leaned up to kiss him, giving a roll of his hips as a signal to let Bellamy know it was okay. So he started moving, slowly at first to let Murphy get used to that as well. He picked up the pace after a few moments, giving steady thrusts of his hips while his hands tangled themselves in Murphy’s hair and their lips crashed together. Their breaths mingled and their moans collided, and Bellamy felt Murphy meeting his thrusts after a while. It was good, so damn good, and every minute was better than the last. He could feel Murphy’s nails digging into his back and shoulders as the blind boy clung to him, legs wrapping around Bellamy’s waist.

 

Bellamy thrust into him again and again, searching for that sweet spot he knew would send sparks through Murphy’s body. When he found it, Murphy cried out in pleasure, breaking the kiss as he did so. He clung to Bellamy, nails leaving scratch marks in the tan skin that would probably last for days, but all Bellamy could focus on was how wonderfully good Murphy felt beneath him. He kept angling his thrusts up against Murphy’s prostate, coaxing moans and gasps and cries from his lips, each sound music to Bellamy’s ears. Their bodies slid together like they were two pieces of a puzzle, and as he neared his orgasm, Bellamy didn’t know where his body ended and Murphy’s started.

 

Soon, Murphy came again, spilling his seed on their stomachs, practically sobbing Bellamy’s name as he did so. His back arched and he clenched hard around Bellamy’s cock, and that was all Bellamy needed to follow him over the edge. He came with a loud growl, burying himself deeply inside of Murphy as he did so, pressing their foreheads together.

 

Once his orgasm had washed over him, Bellamy brushed a soft, gentle kiss to Murphy’s lips and rolled off him to lie on his back, pulling out on the process. Murphy curled up next to him a heartbeat later, head resting on Bellamy’s chest. He wrapped his arms around the slender body, and for a moment, they just lay there, basking in the afterglow.

 

“That was good,” Murphy said after a while, a smile forming on his lips. “Thank you.”

 

“Don’t thank me,” Bellamy replied. “This isn’t a charity thing. I like you. A lot. And I’ve wanted you for so damn long.”

 

Murphy smiled at that, and nuzzled closer to Bellamy’s chest.

 

“So what will you do now that you have me?”

 

“I was thinking about keeping you,” Bellamy said. “If you’d let me.”

 

Murphy nodded. “I’m yours.”

 

 

*

 

 

“Bellamy?” Murphy asked one afternoon as they were lying on the couch in Bellamy’s living room, Bellamy on his back and Murphy draped across his body, resting face-down on his chest. Bellamy opened his eyes, but continued threading his fingers affectionately through Murphy’s hair.

 

“Yes?” he asked softly, brown eyes studying the face of the boy he had come to love so damn much.

 

Murphy hesitated a little, and Bellamy knew that he was trying to find the right way to phrase a question. He’d learned to be patient with him over the past months, knowing that he would sometimes ask Bellamy to describe something for him, so he could get a better mental image of it. This was one of those questions.

 

“What do I look like?”

 

Bellamy would have been taken aback by the question, if he hadn’t already gotten used to them. Now they only amused him, or in this case, made him smile.

 

“Your parents never told you?”

 

He figured they would have, but he also knew that parents had a way of sugar-coating everything for their children, and knowing Alex and Jessica Murphy, Bellamy knew that they probably were no different.

 

“Yes,” Murphy said, his head still rested on Bellamy’s chest. “But I want to hear you say it.”

 

Bellamy’s smile widened. Because sometimes, Murphy was snarky and blunt, and sometimes he turned everything into a joke. But then there were times like this, when they stayed in their own little bubble, and Murphy was soft-spoken and pure like the first snowflake in winter. And so he told him.

 

“You’re beautiful,” he smiled. “With pale skin and blue eyes, high cheekbones and soft, full lips. You have soft, brown hair that always seems to be a bit too long, and keeps falling into your face. Your nose is sharp, and your eyes are a tiny bit too far apart, but no one can tell when you smile. Because then your whole face lights up, and I can see the light reflect in your beautiful eyes.”

 

There was a pause, as Murphy’s fingers curled absently In Bellamy’s shirt, and he buried his face into his chest. Bellamy knew that if Murphy could see himself, he would never be able to stop staring into the mirror. Because Bellamy could barely tear his eyes away from him.

 

He looked up then, lifting his head, and those beautiful, blue, unfocused eyes met Bellamy’s own. And Bellamy knew he could see him. Maybe not physically. But he could see him.

 

“I love you.”

 

Bellamy smiled. And he knew that Murphy could see. Because he smiled back.

 

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> Feedback is much appreciated, especially since it's a long time since I've actually written something, and I feel pretty rusty! 
> 
> Again, hit me up on tumblr, @bunker-boyfriends, and talk to me about murphamy! I don't bite!


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